If I let myself fall, would you be there to catch me?

And if you let yourself fall, who would be there to prevent you from crashing down?

Depending on the position you hold at work, you may have been sent on “management” courses where some know-it-alls teach you to let yourself drop backwards where two colleagues are meant to catch you. Tough luck if one of them is precisely Mrs Longbottom with whom you have regularly fallen out with over the last 5 years!

Summer is here, the pace is slowing down, let’s take time to think about ourselves, how we feel, where life is taking us, are we trusting, are we naturally suspicious, etc… Because the four pillars of LeBootCamp are, of course, nutrition and easy fitness, but equally motivation and the management of sleep and stress.

To keep your stress levels in check, it is important not to create unnecessary sources of tension. And, it is important to know that a lack of self confidence can generate constant stress, every day and every hour….!!!

After asking around me, I realised that many people don’t feel worthy, think they are inferior to those around them, tell themselves “I’ll never be able to”, or “I’m too young, it’s normal, I need to learn so I’ll keep quiet”, or “I’m too old, I have no technical knowledge”, “he or she knows better than I do”, “I’d rather say nothing than say something silly”, “I’m too fat, everyone thinks I’m ugly”, “I could never do this or that”, etc…

And those exercises I mentioned at the start of this post do not help at all, instead of teaching you to trust yourself, they teach you to leave it to others to protect you from harm.

I am going to talk from experience… for what it’s worth, but at least it has the merit of being first hand.

In 2007, in the wake of having had my business stolen from me (LeBootCamp’s older sister) right after receiving the « Enterprising Woman of the Year » prize in the US, I took the time to reflect.

What have I done wrong? Why is this happening to me? Am I incompetent?

My fault? I had, 3 years prior to that, listened to a sweet talker explain to me how unable I was to run a business, how he would do it all for me and all I had to do was trust in him and his abilities. He was going to prevent my downfall and my bankruptcy, in analogy to the motivational exercise example. Being rather naive, or rather naively trusting I should say, I laid all my hopes in this man’s hands and that of his team. Had I simply been trusting, or lazy? After all, not trusting oneself, offloading one’s responsibilities can be a form of intellectual laziness. I admit that it was comfortable…for 3 years. Just time enough for the “scumbags”, as we call them in my team, to learn everything they needed from us, copy us and cut us out.

For years, I blamed these ruthless business men for the betrayal of my trust and the cause of the overwhelming amount of stress I suffered from when I woke up one morning in 2007 to find I had no coaching site, no clients, no content, nothing left. But the real culprit in all this was me! The lack of judgement, the lack of foresight were all mine. I had chosen the lazy route, refused to refuse the easy option. I had offloaded my responsibilities and my alleged lack of self confidence by putting my baby (an online weightloss coaching site, one of the first of its kind) in the arms of another.

With time and to reduce my stress levels, I have learned not to trust blindly but to trust in myself first. To be sure of oneself is an acquired skill! It isn’t based on compliments and positive feedback from those around you (if you do get any), but on the results you achieve. Each little victory, never mind how small, feeds that feeling of strength and confidence, the certainty that “YES I CAN“, to paraphrase the words of Barrack Obama. A victory a day is therefore my “anti-stress and self empowerment” prescription.

It can go from calling up people whom you never know how to approach, to doing a complicated yoga pose, writing the book you have been taking about for years, smiling at as total stranger, finally launching your own business, making peace with an enemy, sky diving, learning to surf, singing in front of an audience, starting to play golf with experienced players when you have never swung a club before, asking for a raise, getting a new haircut and surprising everyone, losing your unwanted pounds, changing your dress style, doing some humanitarian work abroad, voluntering your time to a charity a few hours a week,… You get the idea, in short, take charge of your life and call the shots, do a thing a day that scares you and know that YES you can do it! It also means no more complaining, no more blaming circumstances and others to excuse the inability to progress. I know this is hard, but I can assure you, make yourself shift your point of view, take ownership, be the one responsible, get out of the deadlock of situations where your welfare depends on others, you won’t look back. Taking charge of one’s problems is a way of reappraising oneself, taking a fresh look at one’s challenges and finding personal growth.

These daily decisions you won’t be leaving to others will stake your progression on the path of self assurance. And who says more self assurance means less stress, as you will be less enclined to becoming the hostage of “others” with less honourable intentions than yours.

So, next time someone suggests you let yourself drop in the arms of others, do a somersault and land on your feet like a cat. Show them that to trust others, one must first of all trust in oneself!

 

Once your self confidence established, surround yourself with those who showed their loyalty in the darkest moments, those you aren’t pure opportunists but instead believe in you come what may.

 

« To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.» George MacDonald

 

I therefore wish to take this opportunity to thank mum and dad, my old friends, the Corsicans who are always there, my team from the early days who have never deserted me, even when times were really tough. Together we are so much stronger…and stress has no hold on a group of people as resilient as we are, we can only grow from strength to strength! So thank you for being a part of my life!